Dear Mr. Mayor Fenty: Stop the Key Bridge Keystone Kops!

Dear Mr. Mayor Fen-Fen,
You know how much I love you and think you are the bestest mayor DC has had ever ever, but....I have a bone to pick with you.

As we've talked about in the past, my morning commute is quite an annoyance. The intersection of 34th & M - right at the Key Bridge - is a disaster of terrific proportions. You've got three lanes coming from M, heading toward the bridge and up Canal. Two of these lanes shift to the left once they cross the stop light - except it's not marked, so unless a driver just inherently 'knows' to, they don't slide over into the correct lane. This is especially evident when the Virginia drivers (who are racing back to the Commonwealth having likely given up on ever learning to master the morning commute in the District) in the left lane, cluelessly ignore the lane shift and end up in the right lane, nearly crashing into the cars in the right lane who are shifting like they are supposed to!

Then you've got the people who know there is a third lane that just magically appears at that particular intersection and use it appropriately. These poor people consistently get cut-off by those who think the third lane is just "empty space" and decide its ok to hang over from the right lane, blocking and clogging traffic, preventing people from getting where they need to go and wondering while everyone is beeping at them.

BUT, aside from all of that, let's talk about me. And my neighbors. Those loyal G'town & Glover Park residents who come down 34th & 35th Streets through the neighborhoods and just want to make it to work on time. As it is, making a right hand turn from 34th onto M and then a quick left to the bridge is a highly-orchestrated move. Then, you throw in a light that isn't timed right, a bunch of idiot Maryland drivers who think they have found a short cut to avoid Wisconsin Avenue but who have not be taught the finer driving move of right turn on red, the Virginia idiots who nearly run people off the road from the middle lane and force them to block the third lane which delays the poor people who just wanna go straight up M/Canal to Foxhall and mind their own damn business...

Dear Mr. Mayor Fen-Fen, do you see where I am coming from?? This delicately coreographed dance is not the beautiful ballet that the idiot who designed this intersection intended it to be. Its in fact a great big giant CF! Yep, I said it. And, here's what else I have to say, "DON'T BLOCK THE BOX!"

I know we've talked for hours about this. And, its quite encouraging that you took to heart my suggestion to have a traffic cop there in the mornings. Couple things about that though. First, I was thinking that this 'traffic cop' might actually be somewhat competent, much like my favorite Officer Joe Pozell, God rest his soul. I don't think it's a lot to ask that the person directing one of the busiest intersections in the city, holding the employemnt fate of hundreds of workers just trying to make it in on time in their hands, kinda understands what he/she is doing. Seems like a reasonable request to me.

So, as you can imagine, I was delighted early this week when I saw TWO, not one, but TWO uniformed traffic officers controlling the morning commute through Georgetown. Finally! Praise to you Mayor Fen-Fen!! You finally heard and granted my wish! Oh, the high hopes I had. And, then I was late for work. Why? Not because I left late (for once!) or dilly-dallied on my drive, nope. That wasn't why I was late. It was because the two dopes with the yellow traffic guard vests are IDIOTS! Not to mention that they completely ignored the lights that allowed us neighborhood people (the ones who pay taxes here!!) to venture onto M Street, and instead held US UP, in favor of allowing additional people from Wisconsin Avenue to go through red lights!!! That is CRAP!

And, what was the result?!?! Well, rather than being backed up for a block or so and having to wait through 2-3 traffic light cycles like normal mornings, instead I've been able to enjoy the pleasure all week of having traffic backed up for at least three blocks and adding a good ten extra minutes to my commute. So now it takes me MORE than thirty minutes to drive three miles because of the Key Bridge Keystone Kops controlling my commute. Jesus, I could probably walk to work faster. And, I might have to.

Listen, I really appreciate that you listened and acted on my suggestion, but please make it better and not worse. Ok, still love ya - for now - thanks, k bye, mwah!